The Rules for Writing

The following rules have been hanging on the wall of my family's book room for the past several years, at least, and I wanted to share them. Unfortunately I don't know who the original author is (my copy of the Rules is an uncredited computer print-out, which I rather think was brought home after circulating around someone's office). Nonetheless, I think this is valuable advice for authors everywhere!

1: Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2: Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3: And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4: Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
5: Also, always avoid anything alliteration.
6: Be more or less specific.
7: Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
8: Also, too, never ever use repetitive redundancies.
9: No sentence fragments.
10: Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
11: Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
12: Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary--it's highly superfluous.
13: One should NEVER generalize.
14: Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
15: Don't use no double negatives.
16: Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17: One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18: Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19: The passive voice is to be ignored.
20: Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21: Never use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.
22: Kill all exclamation points!!
23: Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
24: Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
25: Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. (Note: it's and its are not the same thing! Look it up.)
26: Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
27: If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand time: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
28: Puns are for children, not groan readers.
29: Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
30: Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
31: Who needs rhetorical questions?
32: Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And finally,
33: Proofread VERY carefully to see if you any words out.

DISCLAIMER: Building Cyberworld is not responsible for any failure, disappointment, rejection, ridicule, or loss of money or reputation that may result from the use of these rules.