The Sci-Fi Survivor's Pledge

As a sci-fi character who cares about surviving my designated story more than I care about furthering the writers' plots, I do solemnly swear:

That if my telepath, psion, insanity sufferer, or other crew member with abnormal sensory abilities displays feelings of disturbance or unrest, I will promptly evacuate them, myself, and the rest of my crew from the area.

That if I develop unusual feelings of pain or emotional unrest, I will not shrug them off or use a cup of hot beverage/painkillers to try and make them go away. I will leave my quarters immediately, have my belongings searched for mysterious objects that are not mine, and keep a close eye on any people or objects that have arrived on the ship around the time my pain or emotional disturbances started.

That I will not take any artifacts or other objects on board my ship unless I am personally able to identify the object, its creators, and its function beyond doubt.



That I will not touch, stare at, approach, talk to, or otherwise interact with any object that glows or moves without clearly visible application of power (for instance, by light bulbs or motors).

That I will not take any alien creature onto my ship who is not able to fully communicate with me, no matter how cute or harmless it may seem and no matter how much my zoologist wants to study it.

That I will not show all the inner workings of my ship, shields, and weaponry to newly discovered alien beings, no matter how friendly and intelligent they seem.

That I will not investigate the source of mysterious noises with less than two armed comrades, especially when the aforementioned noises emanate from a rarely trafficked area of the ship.

That I will not investigate the source of mysterious shadows on the wall, nor call out to the crewmembers that I believe are making the shadows. Instead, I will walk away and return with a fully armed security force.

That whenever any equipment malfunctions, I will reverse the polarity before I try anything else.

That if I should encounter a new character who is both extremely attractive and extremely intelligent, I will avoid a romantic relationship with him/her until his/her trustworthiness has been thoroughly verified.

That when an important member of my crew appears to have been killed, I will not leave the area until I have verified beyond doubt that the crewmember has in fact been killed, and is not being held captive.

That I will not take any apparently “freak” accident at face value and assume that it is indeed an accident.

That I will not threaten to destroy an object the villain wants in exchange for a hostage, because I know that the villain does not hold the hostage in the same high regard I do and will not hesitate to kill or injure them slowly and painfully.

That I will never, ever go on a dangerous mission while wearing a red shirt.

That whenever I am faced by legions of incredibly powerful robots, androids, or other machines, I will pose a simple paradoxical problem to them before I waste my time and energy in combat.

That if my mount, pet, or other animal in the vicinity goes berserk without warning, I will not attempt to soothe it or shrug and say “What's up with that?” Instead, I will leave the area immediately and scan thoroughly for any vicious predators, forces of nature, or hostile troops before returning.

That I will order a copy of the complete laws, rules, and traditions of any alien society and read it in its entirety before I allow my crew to visit the society.

That before we leave the ship to visit the aforementioned alien society, my crew will be briefed thoroughly on any crimes or taboos of the society, particularly if they carry the death penalty.

That any holodeck or other virtual-reality device will have its power supplied by a single cable that can be easily physically cut in an emergency.

That before exploiting a natural power source, I will examine it carefully to make sure it is not a sentient being, a trap, or anything else that I do not want to tangle with.

That, above all, I will use my common sense, avoid reckless behavior, and ALWAYS CHECK THE SHADOWY SPOTS before I walk past them.